Motherhood is a Mindset

Every Mom HAS to admit at one point or another that life as a Mom is not ‘easy’. I mean, there is a lot that we have to do just to keep a young’un alive.

Some Moms seem to love motherhood more than others. Some may say it’s because of personality. Some may say it’s because of their hearts desires. Some may say it’s the cards they have been dealt. I say it’s a mindset.

I didn’t used to think this way. In fact, I have spent many of the last few months wondering why I didn’t love motherhood as much as some of the other Mom’s I know. When someone says that they ‘love every second of it’, I try really hard to keep my eyes from getting stuck rolled back in my head. PUH-LEASE. Really? You love the poopy diapers and the barf and the sore nipples? Can we just be real here and say that while we don’t love every.second of it, it’s all worth it. Now that I can get on board with.

But I digress.

One day I finally realized that I was comparing myself to someone else’s highlight reel. I realized that some Mom’s may say they love every second, but that is because in the moment they DO feel like they love every second. They are just forgetting about the harder  seconds minutes hours days that come with the job. So I patted myself on the back and told myself it’s ok…I was a great Mom and I did love most of the moments of motherhood just as much as those other Mom’s who claim they love every second. I can’t compare my bad days to someone’s good days. That is just not healthy.

And then I started thinking that everyone else loved being a Mom because they were dealt a different hand. They had a husband who was home every day. They got to go to work and get out of the house. They had an awesome play group that they got together. They had the grandparents living next door. Or going to their church. Or the doting aunt and uncle came over every other night and they got to go on a date night every single Friday. Or they have 6000 followers on Instagram so of course they love being a Mom.

And then one day it hit me. None of that matter. None of it! None of it should affect how much I love being a Mom or raising my daughter or spending time with her. Instead, it’s all about my mindset.

Do I wake up in the morning eager to hear my daughter stirring? Do I spend time in the Word praying for her each day? Do I look at her playing on the floor and choose to join in, or choose to ‘get stuff done’ while she is occupied? Do I take her crying as a personal offense, or instead do I remind myself that she is talking to me and communicating to her favorite person in the world. Do I find joy in making up different menu options to keep her fed and healthy? Do I care about her routine and her schedule?

It all comes down to this: Do I see my daughter as my greatest gift? Or do I see her as a chore. Another item on the to-do list.

I have to admit that this mindset didn’t come overnight. I had to work to change my thoughts and my thought patterns. Once I decided to remind myself on a moment-by-moment basis of the gift that I have been given, I started to gain a new mindset on mothering.

Instead of just trying to pass the time, I instead want to make the hours count. Instead of just trying to get her to stop crying, I want to find out what is wrong and solve the problem, not just stick a pacifier in her mouth. Instead of just feeding her cheerios all day, I want to build healthy, balanced meals for my daughter.

I still have bad days. I have days when I literally throw Cheerios to Tera on the floor while I watch a TV show because mentally I can’t get my mind into that mindset. I have days when I count down the minutes until naptime because sometimes my sanity is hanging in the balance. I have days that I cry right along with her and do not stop to enjoy the days I have with her.

But motherhood is a mindset. It’s setting my mind above, and not on earthly things. It’s choosing to put myself last and Tera first. It’s looking at my child as a precious gift, not someone who gets in the way of my accomplishments. It’s reminding myself on the hard days that there is grace and there are new days. It’s choosing joy and sacrifice first in my heart, and then in my head. It’s enjoying the precious moments that I have with my girl. It’s building a habit to love motherhood and the gift that it is.

That would have been the day I took you home.  That day I let love and joy into my life and we shared so many wonderful years together!

One comment

  1. Sarah C. says:

    Beautiful thoughts. Part of the reason I left Facebook is because I was constantly comparing myself to others on there, and it was making my struggle with postpartum depression worse (I’m not advocating for everybody to quit Facebook…it was just what I needed). I think that Instagram can be the same way (although maybe to a lesser extent – at least for me), because we see, as you said, the “highlight reel” of everybody’s life. I don’t do hashtags, but if I did, I think my favorite would be #myrealnofilteredlife. I love to see when others post the things that aren’t perfect, and maybe I’ll start doing that, too. It encourages me to see that I’m not the only one who doesn’t have it all together. I’m learning to rest in God’s grace and remember that the image of perfection in anybody is an illusion. I LOVE being a mom, but some days are just HARD, and I don’t mind admitting that. Yesterday I accidentally locked my babe in the car with my keys and phone…in the summer…in Florida. I cried almost the whole 45 minutes from the time I locked the door to the time the firemen got him out. I felt like the WORST mom. He was fine, and my friends, the paramedics, and the police officers kept telling me that it was ok, people make mistakes…but I wallowed in self-blame for most of the day. I definitely was NOT going to post anything about that. But, like you said, there is grace and there are new days (like today)…and I need that today, after the disaster that this week has been. I’ll work on choosing joy and sacrifice right along with you.

    “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” -Lamentations 3:22-23

Leave a Reply