So insane.
One year ago today, on September 21st, I became an instant Mom to two kiddos. Just one week before I was blissfully enjoying being a Mom to one child, Tera. We had just reached the stage that I was LOVING it. I was so glad to have the newborn/baby stage behind me and I was so enjoying watching Tera learn to walk and discover the world.
When we got the phone call, it took maybe .3 seconds for us to know that our answer was YES.
So even though I was saying goodbye to a certain level of freedom and jumping in wayyyyy over my head, I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Did I ever mentioned that Theo worked that day one year ago? That’s right. I had to go to the hospital and pick up our first foster daughter all by myself. I cannot believe I had the strength to do that. I found a babysitter for Tera and went all by myself. I had a whole security team escort me from the NICU to my car because they weren’t sure if Mom and her companions would be volatile (they weren’t. They never were, but it was just a precaution). I also had the head nurse come out to the car with me and watch me buckle and latch Little Miss in. Talk about nerve-wracking!
She screamed all the way home. I was tempted to cry, too.
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
When I got home, Austin and Laura helped me get dinner ready and continued to entertain Tera while I acted like I knew what I was doing in trying to calm Little Miss down. I’ll never forget her cries and how helpless they made me feel. I’ll never forget thinking that I was in way over my head and that I probably didn’t have a clue how to take care of this child. I remember also feeling a calm descend over our home as both girls settled down to sleep.
I didn’t know anything about her. I didn’t know her birth weight or why she had been given her name. I didn’t know how serious her drug addiction was or how long she usually slept at night. I didn’t know anything about taking care of her.
But I did it. And I loved her from that very first moment. And I wrapped her up in my Moby and I taught Tera her name and I woke up so many times in the night to feed her.
And lest you think I was doing all this hard work, Theo did the same. Theo loved her and fed her and talked to her and wrapped her up in the Moby, too.
And just like that…one year ago today, we became a family of four.
We are now a family of three again, just waiting to become a family of four (again). We look back on ourselves one year ago today and just shake our heads and laugh. We had NO CLUE. But September 21st, 2015 will forever be etched in the history of our family as the day we officially gave our hearts to Little Miss and to the ministry of foster care.
I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Suzanne, you amaze me. I still can’t imagine how hard the beginning must have been for you and more than that, how hard “the end” must have been and still is. Your love for that sweet girl is inspiring!