Foster Parenting is Hard, but so is Parenting

I know I have a wide range of readers on this blog.

Many of you read this because you are foster parents.

Many of you read here because you want to become foster parents.

Many of you read here because you are simply interested to follow our life or you accidentally stumbled upon my blog or you’ve been a long-time family friend who has somehow stuck around over the years.

Well, this post is for the latter group.

I want you to know something. Most of the time when I write, I aim to encourage people by sharing real life- oftentimes, this means opening up about the daily struggles of life and the challenges of being a foster Mom.

As a foster Mom, I often fall into the dangerous pit of self-martyr-dom. OH WOE IS MEEEEEEE. LIFE IS SO HARD. I’VE SACRIFICED SO MUCH FOR THESE KIDS. FOSTER KIDS ARE SO HARD. I WISH PEOPLE WOULD JUST DROP EVERYTHING AND HELP MEEEE.

But the other day it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Yes, foster parenting is hard. 

But so is parenting. 

So as a foster Mom, I want to say it out loud: Mamas, you are doing hard work. You are doing good work.

It doesn’t matter if the children in your home are fostered, adopted or biological- parenting is still hard work.

We are all up in the night. We are all fighting battles at the dinner table. We are all elbow-deep in dishwater and sweeping the floors and changing diapers and doing the laundry.

We are all struggling to find the energy to put into our marriages and to find the time to put into our friendships.

We are all struggling to balance me-time and everyone else time, and I bet we are all staying up later or getting up earlier than we want.

We are all dealing with tantrums and struggles and the great joys of watching a child achieve something monumental like taking their first steps or actually swallowing a bite of applesauce or being in public without an epic meltdown.

We are all fighting our own personal battles of anxiety or a broken marriage or a broken family or lack of support. We are all living in this world that is full of sin and brokenness and it affects us all every single day.

Are there unique challenges as foster Moms that many biological Moms don’t have to face? Absolutely. But that’s not what we are talking about right now.

Right now I’m talking about the fact that I never want to belittle you, Mamas. No matter what form of mothering you are doing, it is hard work. I never want you to look at me as a foster Mom and think that I’m doing better work than you are.

It’s not true. You are doing your work. You are doing the work that God has called you to, whether that’s mothering one child, two children, three children, seven children, foster children, step children, adopted children or any combination in between.

I want you to know that when I say foster parenting is hard, I don’t mean to say that parenting is not hard. It is. I just mean that fostering can often add another facet to parenting that I’ve never had to deal with before.

 

The other day I read an Instagram post that rubbed me the wrong way. In it, the poster talked about how much they hated it when Mom’s complained about snow days. You see, this Mom had gone through the unthinkable- she had lost an infant. She was offended that people complained about snow days when she would do anything to have another day with her child.

I hurt for this Mama. I hurt for the Mama’s who are going through the unimaginable. But at the same time? That’s completely unfair. Sure, no one has the right to complain- about anything. But when one Mama feels a lot of strong emotions about a snow day, it’s unfair to throw it back at her, telling her its invalid. If one Mama is having a hard time with her first baby, it would be unfair for me to throw it back at her, telling her that it’s invalid because she only has one kid. If one Mama is struggling with something, it’s unfair for any other Mama to belittle her and say that’s not a valid struggle.

So as a foster Mom, I am tempted to do the same thing. I am tempted to belittle those who are not foster Moms. I am tempted to call their struggles and their fears and their circumstances invalid.

But that’s a lie. That’s a big lie.

Foster parenting is hard. Parenting is hard. Parenting is a joy. Parenting is parenting. I see you, Mama…no matter how many babies you are cuddling and no matter what the circumstances are.

Your joys and your fears and your struggles are all valid. 

14 comments

  1. Mimi says:

    So interesting to read and I think hat you said it can be added into many spheres of live, if someone is struggling with something that you don’t have you can not go after him/her, everyone react to things diferently. I lost my dad last year and sometimes my bff complains that her father is annoying and such, I’ve would never in my dream say to her: stop complaning at least you still have a father! Because guess what, sometimes I fight with my mom and someone can tell the same thing to me. We shuold learn to be more kind.

  2. Antonia says:

    I love how you brought everything into perspective that parenting is hard no matter the circumstance. I think it is always good to remember that everyone is battling something!

  3. Pam says:

    This is a really great article and so true. I have a special needs child and there were times early on that people would talk about how hard their toddler was and I just thought they had no idea because my child is forever cognitively a toddler. Thankfully, I have grown and matured and strengthened my faith and grace so that it doesn’t bother me but yes….what’s hard for someone else is still hard!

  4. Hope @ Secret Mums Stuff says:

    great post. I think it’s important to know that it’s not a competition regardless of the circumstances 1 kid is hard, 2 kids are hard, 3 kids a hard…. being a stay at home mum is hard, being a working mum is hard etc and so on 🙂

  5. Kristin says:

    Such a sweet and encouraging post to all moms. It is wonderful that you create a home for children who need one, and it’s wonderful that all moms do their best each day. Great post!

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