The Desire to Spend Time with My Children

JUST GIVE ME A BREAK!

These are the words that I hollered at my kids yesterday.

And probably the day before.

And most likely the day before that, too.

It seems like the needs of my kids are never ending. If I finally give Tera something to do that will keep her entertained, Kiah will come and plow through, causing a ruckus that I have to step in and mediate.

Five minutes later, the activity is abandoned and both children are whining about their hunger and their boredom.

After standing to get a snack, and rush to wipe another child’s butt in the bathroom, and change the other ones diaper and answer 9898378 questions from the toddler, I’m finally ready to sit back down and work on MY task. You know, the one I’ve been trying to work on for what seems like hours.

I finally have everyone settled enough to be fooled into thinking I can accomplish something on my extensive to-do list. I sit down and begin working on my project. In silence. Glorious SILEN–

Wait a minute, WHY IS MY HOUSE SILENT?

And so on and so forth it goes, until I reach the point that I am at maximum frustration and I mumble or yell the words

WOULD YOU JUST GIVE ME A BREAK?

Sometime about these words are so right, and yet so wrong.

As a Mom, I sometimes need to create and find the time to take a break. We all know that we can’t pour from an empty cup. I know that I function best when I can have a slight breather from my kids now and then. I love being able to accomplish at least one thing on my to-do list without interruption. And I truly believe that there is nothing wrong with that.

But what if I’m sometimes taking it a little bit too far? What if instead of seeing my children as my most important task for the day, I’m seeing them as obstacles to my accomplishments? Instead of being a stay at home Mom, I’m a stay at home task accomplisher, and as a bonus I’m also keeping some kids alive?

Part of this is cultural- I see so many successful women who are also Moms and I hold myself to a standard that isn’t realistic for myself. I see so many memes and jokes and tweets that are pretty funny, but sometimes lead me to a mental shift about how annoying my children can be. And part of this is just my sin nature, guys. I want what’s best for ME, and sometimes raising children is just not the most convenient or lovely thing in life.

Throughout the almost four years I’ve spent mothering, this issue has been a near-constant struggle for me. My pendulum swings one way or the other- month after month, year after year. I wake up one morning and realize that I’ve done a terrible job of just spending quality time with my kiddos. So I wipe the slate clean, build up some healthy habits and find myself doing a great job of spending quality time with kiddos. Until day by day I slip back into those not so great habits- the ones that say “ME TIME, ME TIME, ME TIME, JUST GIVE ME A BREAK.”

I know I’m known around these parts for being authentic about motherhood and what it’s really like. So this is it. This is my heart put out there in a blog post. This is my encouragement to you if you are in a similar season and it’s just so hard to see our kids as great blessings and not inconveniences. I share all that to let you all know that I don’t have it together. One day/week/month, the pendulum might be swinging in a direction that is just not wonderful for our family or our kids. And one day/week/month, I’ve implemented some really healthy habits that allow my family time to THRIVE. I thought I would share some of those habits in this blog post and hope that you will join me in sharing some of the ones that you have built for your family, too.

1. Pray for the desire to spend time with my children. It all starts in the heart, and it’s usually my heart that wants my kids to bug off and give me a break. The change needs to start from the inside out, and it takes a mighty work of the Holy Spirit on some days!
2. Put away the Phone/Computer/Electronic Device. I know that these are all helpful tools for us Moms, but sometimes they just bring so much noise into our lives. Over the years, we have realized that our house operates more smoothly when the phones and electronics are put away while the kids are up. It’s for sure a work in progress, though!
3. 50/10 This is a habit that I’ve only implemented a few times, but it works AMAZING. For every 50 minutes I’ve spent doing something on my list/for myself, I need to get down on the floor and spend 10 minutes with my kids. WITH MY KIDS. As in, reading books to them, doing a puzzle together, etc. It’s amazing how much more independently they are able to play when I spend those 10+ minutes with them every hour or so.
4. Include them in my chores. UGH I HATE THAT I’M GIVING THIS AS ADVICE, but alas…it’s important and actually does pay off…eventually. Yes, it takes so much longer to do laundry when they are the ones throwing it in the machine, but it’s better than leaving them to “entertain” themselves while I try to throw the laundry in and get interrupted by 6 fights over the course of 2 minutes.
5. Don’t forget intentional time for myself. The key word here is intentional. I will often work through items on my to-do list, then declare that I need a break and scroll my phone for far too long. I then wonder why I’m still impatient and not able to enjoy time with my kids. Intentional time for me doesn’t usually look like aimless scrolling. Instead, it looks like taking the time to make a cup of tea and sitting out on the porch (don’t worry, my kids come with me- it’s not usually blissful silence). It means taking the time to flip open to Psalms on my messy countertops and reading the refreshing truth of Scripture. It means having reading time with everyone in the house- the kids get their own stack of books, and I get mine.
6. BONUS: Keep a gratitude journal or memory folder of those times spent with the children. Some days I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished ANYTHING, but spending the time writing down three precious moments with my children throughout the day is always fun to look back at, and it helps me to remember that I have done something that is important.

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