SIP Diary Day 21

I’m going to start off where I left off last night. What if there is a time in my life where I look back and wish that I had appreciated the time I’m in RIGHT NOW? It’s a crazy thought because right now I don’t really feel like I should appreciate what is going on in the world. It seems…to hard to be thankful. Way too burdensome to be grateful. And besides, if I am grateful and thankful, won’t someone assume that I am being insensitive? Like, if I choose to laugh and smile and see positivity, won’t I be hurting someone who is going through the hardest time in their lives for various reasons? This morning I read in Romans where we should weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. And it’s kinda hard to do both at the same time, ya know?

As I’m typing this, I just got a text from my SIL. She is a nurse on the COVID floor of the hospital, and her husband is, too. She sent us a picture of the two of them in their gear, tackling another 12 hour shift helping the COVID patients. My FIL is also a doctor who is dealing with the major impacts of corona. And I have two BIL who are also doctors- one who is running a corona clinic and one who is a family doctor dealing with the major impacts of this disease. Of course, my own husband is also out there.

I think of my own parents, sheltered in place overseas in a third world country. Not just any third world country, but the country that is ranked by the Human Development Index as the poorest country in the world. If this disease is crippling the infrastructure and healthcare of some of the wealthiest countries in the world, I shudder to think what it will do to Niger.

I’ve struggled with many different emotions throughout these last 3 weeks, as we all have. I bristle when people struggle with the implications of the impact of the virus, because my struggle is with the impact of the virus itself. But I am learning that this is completely unfair. My friends who struggle with the social and economic implications of this are just as vulnerable and valid as me, struggling with the actual physical implications of this.

My 10 minutes is up, but I wanted to add that today was filled with much more hope than yesterday was. Yes, I still feel a tightening in my chest and begin to feel panic rising, but today I managed much better than yesterday. It really, really helped that I turned my phone off from the time I woke up until Theo left for work (which is a few hours). It also helped that the SUN was shining and I was able to get out with the kids!