I wrote this blog post four years ago. June of 2020 was one of the hardest months of my life. Theo worked 18 hour days, mostly manning protests and I was stuck at home with three small children, watching the world fall not just to a pandemic, but also turn on all police officers. I lost friends and was deeply, deeply hurt by some of the things that people chose to post on social media (like friends who posted ACAB- All Cops Are Bastards). I couldn’t share it then, and up until now I haven’t been sure if I should delete it or just post it. So here I am: posting it in all it’s raw glory. I might regret that and delete it, to be honest. This topic STILL feels so difficult and personal and my heart rate goes up and I break out in a cold sweat every time I think about it. I have strong opinions, and these situations impacted me so personally because of Theo’s job and how he was treated for most of 2020, and still to this day. He is cussed at, spit on, shouted at, and called names daily still from the fallout of June 2020. Anyways, I decided that it’s now or never and I would go ahead and publish this post four years after I wrote it. If you choose to respond in comments, please be gentle and kind. Please know that even if you do have a differing opinion, this is still a sensitive topic and it needs to be approached with gentleness (as I hope I have done in this post).
The challenge of writing this blog post has been on the forefront of my mind for many days/weeks now.
What can I say that has not already been said? What can I say that holds space for each perspective of the issue? I am afraid that I cannot make everyone happy.
I have chosen to step away from my social media because I understand that my voice does not need to be heard in these present circumstances. My voice right now is an offended voice, and an offended voice can almost never hear what anyone is saying to them. I realize that I need to step away so that I can process my own thoughts.
A little over a week ago, George Floyd was murdered by a police officer kneeling on his neck for 9 minutes. NINE minutes. That is absolutely unacceptable.
The outcry among the black community reached a roaring crescendo and protests were schedule all across the nation this week. Protests against police brutality and the injustice of George Floyd’s death. Protests against racism and the systems and institutions that support it.
Please hear me loud and clear: I am not a black person. I do not have the perspective and experiences of a black person. I cannot speak for POC and what they experience/feel on a daily basis. What I can do is listen to them. I can listen and beyond listening I can HEAR. I can sit down, shut up and listen to my brothers and sisters who are racial minorities and are telling us their experiences and opinions.
This is a problem. Racism is a problem.
My husband is a white cop, and I can speak from our experiences as a police family. Our experiences do not mean that this is true of everyone across the board, and I do not claim to speak for every police officer or police family that is there. But I do have a blog and I do have my own experiences that I would like to share.
On Saturday, my husband worked at the local protests for 18 hours. At first, things started out peaceful enough, with people gathering and sharing their grief through signs, chants, shouts and outcry. Eventually, the gathering turned toward the police officers and began to shout directly at them. This is a very small and inconclusive list of things that were repeatedly shouted at my husband on Saturday:
“ALL COPS ARE BASTARDS”
“THE ONLY GOOD COP IS A DEAD COP”
“PIGS”
“YOU ARE ALL ABUSERS. YOU SHOULD QUIT YOUR JOBS AND GO HOME TO ABUSE YOUR WIVES”.
“MURDERERS. ALL OF YOU ARE MURDERS”
This is my husbands cruiser: ACAB means All Cops Are Bastards and “Piggy Pig” is a very derogatory term for a police officer.
Now, of course my initial reaction is OUTRAGE. I want to stand up and scream/cry “INJUSTICE!”. However, after many days of thought, prayer and many, many tears, I have reached a slightly different conclusion. Yes, I’m still angry and offended that people have the audacity to shout those things at my husband just for suiting up and doing his job. These generalities are far from helpful and truly just show ignorance and an unwillingness to see anybody as a person with a soul beyond the badge and uniform they wear.
But I’ve also reached a chilling realization: this is what our black brothers and sisters feel often. This hatred? It’s not acceptable. It’s not ok. It’s not justified. It shouldn’t be happening. And that is why we need to stand up against racism and also sit down and shut up and listen to each other.
And also? Can I just beg our society to not put the accountability for racism squarely on the shoulders of the police officers?
I think we can all arrive at the conclusion that racism is a problem. It’s a systemic problem. That means that this racism has spread through our society – it is not just isolated to police stations and men in uniform. Racism is in our hospitals, our schools, our courthouses, our libraries and our neighborhoods. And yet so many this past week have shouted loudly at only the police officers.
Friends, you may not realize this, but police officers already bear a great deal of society’s burdens. They respond to suicides and are the ones who take the bodies down from the ropes they are hanging on. They respond to domestic violence calls and their hearts shatter when the battered women say “oh, he doesn’t hurt me, I just tripped down the stairs” and they aren’t allowed to do anything to stop it. They respond to houses that are full of feces and fleas and bedbugs– and children. They drive a child who has been raped to children’s hospital. They have to make the split second choice to shoot or not to shoot when they hear reports of suspicious activity and an active shooter. They have to clean up the bodies of those who were ejected from their cars in a crash on the highway. They respond to the same house week after week for the same dysfunctional family drama. They help change tires and get kids out of cars in a hot, sunny parking lot on a summer day. They clear vacant buildings. They administer narcan to someone who has overdosed. And they administer it again the next week to the same person. They block traffic when a tornado has ripped through our community. They work at street fairs and schools, watching and observing to keep your back safe in case someone does not have good intentions. They take drugs off the streets. They do a lot of paperwork, too, and go on a lot of calls that are boring and not heroic (like when someone’s kid accidentally dials 911).
Obviously, there are bad cops. There is corruption and there are cops who really couldn’t care less about serving their communities. I will be the first one to say that police officers need accountability. There has to be a way where officers can go to work and be aware that the corrupt ones among them will be weeded out so that the rest of them can do their jobs properly.
But, friends….they already bear so much. We cannot make them solely bear the brunt of our society’s fall into racism. Instead, we each need to bear the hard truths on our own backs. We need to do a lot of heart searching to find where racism is within US. We need to be willing to confront coworkers and boss’ at work who are displaying attitudes of racism. We need to be willing to confront our family members and our children and our children’s friends. We need to be willing to talk about this outside of our social media feeds. If it makes you uncomfortable, good- that’s where you need to start. We need to be willing to speak with our pastors and other church members on reform and what that could look like. If you think police officers need better accountability and reform, that’s fine. I encourage it. But, please, please ask yourself- where do *I* need more accountability and reform? How would I feel if these protests were against doctors, nurses, engineers and teachers? Would I feel differently if these protests actually hurt me, and not just changed the layout of my social media feed? Would I still be willing to stand against racism if it means physically speaking to someone that I think is out of line, and not just passive aggressively posting about it on my social media? We are so quick to find a problem and quickly work to make sure the blame is on the right parties- in this case, it’s police officers. Everyone has been so willing to point the finger at ANYONE who has taken on a uniform and badge. But how would you feel if that finger was pointed at you, and that finger was pointing out the racism that exists within you and your family unit? Would you feel offended, or would you feel defensive, or would you still be willing to humbly do the work of digging it out of your heart?
**2024 me again: Thanks for reading! I know that was not an easy one to swallow and I’m sure there are many, many thoughts and feelings stirred up from reading this! Please take your time to think it over and just let it sit for awhile (after all, I did let this one sit for FOUR YEARS ha!).
Well said