Today I am home from work with a sick little one. Since the little one isn’t feeling well, he has been napping most of the morning and for the first time in a long time I’ve had a little bit of silence in my home and my own brain to just…think thoughts.
I know I’ve mentioned it before, but our current season in life just doesn’t give me any time to myself. We have talked and prayed and wondered if there is anything we can do differently so that I can get some space in my week, but so far we have come up empty on that, and have peace from the Holy Spirit that while this is a jam-packed full season of life, it won’t be like this forever. I am where I need to be. And the Lord gives strength for each day
I logged into my blog this morning and saw how low my views are. Every time I see the numbers I know that my dreams of ever becoming a well-known or influential blogger or writer are being laid to rest. Part of me feels great peace about this, and part of me has to mourn the dream that I had. Even if I argued with myself and told myself that it’s ok to take a few years off, I think that we all know that blogging isn’t really the way to go anymore, and in 5 or 6 years I’m sure it will be even more obsolete! So I continue to write and jot down my thoughts and keep a family scrapbook journal on here, but I also know that my dream of being read and being an inspiration is gone and done for. I used to have the capacity to share so much more- both here and on Instagram. To put together posts with fun graphics and actually follow my blogging calendar and join link-ups in a timely manner.
Over the summer, I was able to do a little bit of praying and seeking and meditating on where I am (a very busy Mom of 4 who also works part-time), where I thought I would be (a writer with a book contract, a thriving blog and social media, a Mom of 4 with some margin in my day), and what habits I want to build and dreams I want to pursue for the future. As I was praying, I also happened to be reading in 1 Thessalonians and this verse really stuck out to me:
But we urge you, brothers, to do this** more and more, 11 and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, 12 so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.
I felt the Lord really whispering to me that *this* is my current life verse and the current dream that I need to pursue.
WHAT? Pursue living quietly? Minding my own business? Working with my hands- that one I can get behind. But being quiet and just living for God and serving my family? In 2024? With no recognition? No social media trail? It’s not very easy to write blog posts about “living quietly” and “minding my own business” haha.
And yet every time I get worked up about my work being unrecognized, or want to mind someone else’s business, I feel this gentle whisper reminding me that this is what the Lord is calling me to in this season, and the best place to be is in the center of His will.
It does feel sad to me- to say goodbye to high and lofty dreams of my teens and twenties and just kind of fall into this calm and behind-the-scenes woman of my 30s. It feels kind of like a seed being planted in the dark underground- this makes no sense and there is no way a seed underground can grow into anything beautiful or useful. And yet we all know what happens when a seed is planted underground. It lays dormant. And then it grows. And produces both beauty and usefulness.
So perhaps I’m in a season of “underground” work. And perhaps you are, too. Perhaps it’s dark and kinda lonely and it feels like everything around us or in us that was bright and shiny is dying or dead. Perhaps we are laying down some dreams, and aren’t sure where to even pick up new ones. Perhaps some of those dreams slipped away without us even noticing and then one day we realize that just isn’t the trajectory of our lives anymore.
I don’t know about you, but I felt like I really needed this reminder again today. I hope that my sharing it with you can encourage you and give you some hope, even if you are in a dormant/quiet season.
** the “this” referred to in the verse is a whole list of things that Paul is encouraging the Thessalonians to do- and it can basically be summed up by saying “living holy lives” and “having brotherly love”. But I encourage you to read all of 1 Thessalonians 4 to find the full context here!
P.S. Forgive the extremely wonky formatting in this post! In this current season, I just can’t figure out how to fix it hahahaha. Hopefully you still understand what I’m trying to say!
What a lovely, and true post! Thanks for sharing your heart!
I just wanted to say that your blog is one of my top 5 favorite blogs. Your posts about running inspire me to work towards running a 5K and make me remember how much I loved running in high school. Your posts about your husband being a police officer touched my heart when my daughter became a CSO (community service officer). Your hiking posts inspired me to exercise by hiking. I took my first hike up a small “mountain” with my father-in-law who is in his 80’s – such a special memory:) And I love your family posts. I miss my kids being home when they were little and it is a little reminder of how much I loved those days. So – thank you! I know there might not be many of us that read but you make my life better.
“I also know that my dream of being read and being an inspiration is gone and done for”
I don’t believe that’s true even if it doesn’t necessarily take the form you dreamed it would. I love reading your blog and hearing about y’all’s lives. It’s refreshing to hear about the crazy that others experience and your struggles to accept that from the hand of the Lord with grace and equanimity. It challenges the way I perceive my own difficulties and the idea that everyone else but us has it together. I for one hope you keep writing to this small audience.
Don’t stop writing! I enjoy reading your blogs and posts, even the ones that share hard stuff. Not many people are truly authentic anymore, you keep it real.
I like this quote;”You don’t have to be blooming to be growing” Ruth Chou Simons
You will bloom. When the time is right. Trust Him while you wait.