I Hope My Children Appreciate What I Do For Them Some Day

Happy Mother’s Day!

I am aware that the title of my blog post sounds not only selfish, but downright whiny. But please bear with me as I explain.

These are actually not my words, but the words of my mother, written back in 1999.

A few weeks ago, she sent me a journal entry she had written about 20 years ago, when I was 7 or 8 years old. In it, she wrote: “I don’t feel like I do anything. I hope my children appreciate what I do for them some day”.

I, for one, am so glad my Mom wrote down those thoughts and that she recently shared them with me. Because even though my Mom wrote the words, I sure can relate!

And here is what I wish I could have told my Mom back then (and am telling myself now):

Dear Mom,

Have I told you lately that I appreciate you so much? Have I told you lately that not a day goes by that I do not draw strength and encouragement from your example? Have I told you lately that I have no idea how you did it all?!? You and Dad raised Daniel and me in a rural village, often without the basics of life like running water and electricity. You learned another language and another culture all while raising us to be well adjusted third culture kids. You suffered through exhausting heat and I can’t imagine how isolating it was to be the only Christian woman in the entire village. You were far, far away from your family and any of the comforts of “home”, like a basic grocery store. You saw children die of preventable diseases and knew that your own children could easily catch some of the many unpreventable diseases and die. You must have felt then how I feel now with the dangers of coronavirus. You and Dad taught us the values of Christianity and to not take anything for granted. You taught us how to listen and how to form relationships and respect all people, no matter how alike or different they are from us. You made us dinner every single night and I will never forget the smells of dinner cooking while I buried my nose in a book. You always invited people into our home, and I remember being surprised to find that you are actually an introvert. You and Dad always worked on your marriage and showed us that even if you don’t fit the exact mold expected of you, you can still have a beautiful and God-honoring marriage.

You also wrote: “Suzanne’s lack of self-control (read drama) is frustrating. But she is so well adapted and unafraid of most situations.” I want you to know that the very issues that you are struggling with in raising me are the issues that will one day be molded into my greatest strengths. Sure, I am not perfect and I still have a *slight* bent towards dramatic tendencies, but as you could already see when I was 8 years old, God has used those incredibly frustrating dramatic tendencies to make me the wife, Mom, Christ-follower and friend that I am today– full of passion and the ability to connect with anyone who needs the connection of an empathic person. I’m so thankful that you worked hard to mold and shape those dramatic tendencies within me.

Its true…for many years I did not appreciate you. Because I didn’t know how much you did. I didn’t understand the sacrifices that you and Dad implemented just to raise my brother and I. I didn’t know how challenging and difficult raising children must be, let alone raising children on the mission field. Even now, as a 28-year-old, I was kind of surprised to read those words. Because I don’t remember you displaying ANY of that frustration and struggle. I remember you as being a constant, steady, and reliable Mom who accomplished much in life and easily raised two kids.

Now, I get it. I get how many sleepless nights you must have spent, how many tears you must have cried, how much frustration must have been pent up inside you. I get how many conversations you must have had with Dad about how to discipline, how to teach, how to raise, and how to guide us. I now understand how hard it was to pick what to make for dinner and how hard feeding children 365 days a year, every year is a job that no one praises you for. I now understand a new facet of worry that you must have also felt- worry about today, worry about tomorrow, worry about the future. Worry about faith and actions and reactions and mental health and physical health of your children.

So, today is that someday that you wrote about in your journal 20 years ago. Mom, I get it and I appreciate it.