As many of you know, my Dad was diagnosed with cancer in April of this year. He started chemotherapy in June of this year, and has now completed four rounds of chemo. After chemo, he will have radiation and surgery.
Since this is my Dad’s journey, I don’t want to overshare his part of the story, but his cancer has been a big part of my life these past few months, so I wanted to share some updates and some information/tips for those of you who may one day find yourself in a support position for someone who has cancer.
An Update
If you haven’t read my first post about my Dad’s diagnosis, you can read that here. Since my Dad’s cancer is so rare and uncommon, doctors haven’t felt confident about giving him a solid prognosis. It’s kind of a “wait and see” situation, and we are currently in the “wait” season, without much “see”, unfortunately. As I mentioned above, he will be undergoing both radiation and surgery on top of the chemotherapy and immunotherapy that he is going through.
Chemo is not nice, and it’s absolutely zero fun. 0/10 stars from us! However, my Dad is doing great considering what his body is going through. He has a round of chemo every 3 weeks – the first week is usually spend in bed or on the couch, and then he slowly gets better from there. So the first week out from chemo usually requires a lot of extra bedside care and support for my parents- both physically, but also emotionally and spiritually!
At this point, we don’t know when radiation will start, or when surgery will be. We do know that both radiation and surgery will require traveling to a bigger city about 1.5 hours away (one way). This is going to be really hard, and I think we are all dreading that part of the journey. It’s going to either be a lot of driving, or a big financial burden to rent an apartment in the city for about 2 months. If you are praying for my parents, please pray that this part of the treatment won’t be a burden.
Chemo Experience
I don’t know all that much about chemotherapy, but I sure do know more than I did a few months ago! Chemo is different for everyone, but here are some things that we have experienced:
- Chemo every 3 weeks, with the three off weeks being recovery time
- The symptoms are not bad at all during chemo, and even for up to 24 hours after chemo- they give lots of anti-nausea IV drugs and my Dad has not struggled with any immediate symptoms (I know this can be different for everyone). The symptoms usually hit on day 2 after chemo.
- The first chemo day it took 8 hours start to finish- it was SO long and exhausting! After we got through the first one, they have been so much better- like 2-3 hours max.
- The patient sits in a “bay” with a big chair. There is a curtain that can be pulled for privacy, but otherwise it’s just a big, open room with about 14 bays. Our hospital allows up to two support people, and we sit on a bench in the bay. The nurses are all in the room with all the patients, and are extremely helpful and responsive. There are also sweet volunteer ladies who will bring water, popsicles, tea, snacks, blankets- anything that you need.
Chemo Support
- Even though I know I don’t need to be there for the chemotherapy days, I find it to be a big moral support/boost to be there. Some patients attend chemo without any support person, and perhaps that is how they prefer it! But I know my Dad prefers to be surrounded by anyone who can be there, so I have absolutely made that a priority. Since we know the dates ahead of time, I arrange for childcare and make sure that I can be there for the duration of his chemo treatments.
- It can feel long and boring, so we bring games and other entertainment. We have really enjoyed playing games, chatting, listening to music, or reading our books.
- We always pray before we begin- even if there is a nurse in the bay, we just ask if she minds if we pray before starting.
- My parents church has done a great job of supporting them with a meal train- they usually need meals the day of chemo, and then for 1-2 days after. Of course, my Dad doesn’t ever feel up to eating for those first two days, so sometimes it’s also helpful to have meals delivered on day 4 or 5 when he starts to get his appetite back!
- I try to go over to my parents house on day 2 or 3 just so I can visit with my Dad and boost his spirits, and help my Mom with any chores she may need. I think sometimes the primary caregiver can be worried about leaving the patient at home alone, so it’s nice to have a backup adult to either run errands or just hang out with the patient so the caregiver can go for a walk or run to the store. I’ll sometimes take a kid or two with me for this visit, even if they just sit on the couch with my Dad and watch a movie with him.
- My Dad has worked really hard to stay active and involved as soon as he starts to feel better! I think that it’s really important to lift the spirits almost as much as the physical symptoms. He has been a champion going on family hikes during our family reunion, and joining us at the Ohio State Fair!
Of course, this is just the way we have done it- I am sure that everyone has a different journey. I wrote all the ways that we have been supporting my Dad and receiving support for him, but there are so many ways to apply this to other situations as well! I think the best ways to support someone walking through a journey like this is to just make them aware that you care and are supportive. You don’t have to go to chemo with them, but maybe keep track of their chemo schedule and send them a text and a song to listen to while at chemo. Or maybe offer to order pizza on day 4 or 5 after chemo.
On that note, gas and DoorDash gift cards are so helpful! There is a lot of driving to doctors appointments, and that can become a bit of a financial burden. DoorDash can be great because then the person can order what they feel like when they feel like it!
It’s very interesting to walk through this journey with my parents, who were missionaries in West Africa for 35 years. The culture in West Africa approaches sickness so differently from American culture, and that has been a challenge to us all. In West Africa, if someone is sick, your friends come to “visit”- literally, just sit and chat with the person who is feeling unwell. Kind of a “dropping by” mentality. I don’t think we do that much in American culture- we feel like we have to schedule a drop-in, then bring something helpful with us. I think we may have lost the value of just sitting with someone who is having a hard time. Even just watching a movie together can lift the spirits!
Of course, we haven’t even started on the beast of radiation and surgery, so I’m sure I still have so much more to learn as we go! If you have had chemo, or supported a loved one through it, what would you add to this list?
