Otherwise known as the most massive bug story ever.
I think that every woman I know has a similar story to this one.
You know the drill.
You are the only one at home.
There is a massive bug.
You are faced with a horrible, harrowing, head-pounding, cold sweat, shaking decision to either get so close to the bug that you get to murder it OR you leave it alone and have to live with that creepy, crawly sensation that the bug is still alive and ready to murder YOU.
This particular bug story happened last Spring when I was pregnant with Tera. I went out to discipleship group and arrived back home late on a Friday night. Theo, of course, was gone. I let myself into my house and turned on every light in the house. Because, you know…it was dark and I was alone.
As soon as I got to the bedroom and flipped on the light, I heard it.
Bzzzzzzzz. zzzzzzz. zzzzz bzzzzzzzt.
We all know the sound.
I looked up at the light and there was the most massive wasp I had ever seen. It was horrifying. I have no clue how it got inside the house, and I certainly had no clue how to get it out.
Now, being the missionary kid that I am, I knew how to kill it. Bug spray, of course! The great thing about bug spray is that you can stand at a somewhat safe distance to murder the bug. I slowly creeped along the wall in my bedroom (with my massive pregnant belly) and made it safely to the hallway, where I opened the cupboard to all my cleaning supplies. And that was when it hit me. No, not the wasp. Although that would have made a pretty great story. No, it hit me that I live in America and I don’t own bug spray! I looked for the next best thing: something that I could spray that might at least wound the thing. Hmmm, hairspray.
Armed with my hairspray, I head back to the bedroom and bravely aimed the canister at the massive wasp. I sprayed that thing with every ounce of bravery I had in me. And do you know what happened? Nothing. Oh, wait..it did make the wasp angry. So that happened.
Next, I tried to turn on the fan. The light and the fan are connected and since it was so interested in the light, I figured turning on the fan might at least scare it out of the bedroom. Nope. No such luck. There was no way I was going to sleep with that thing in my house, let alone my bedroom.
The next logical thing to do was to throw something at it, and hopefully pin it to the wall or the floor. Because I have such great hand-eye coordination, this was a *brilliant* idea (sarcasm there, fyi). I started with a shoe. It missed the wasp by about two feet, and I wasn’t a fan of the loud noise when it hit the wall. Next, I tried a shirt. I threw that thing as hard as I could. Nothing. A towel. Nope. Another shirt. Nope.
I was completely out of options, and that wasp was staying put. I stood there in complete and utter despair. I was thinking through all my options (sleep in the other bedroom, sleep in the living room, sleep in the great outdoors, call Theo and say it was an absolute emergency, etc) when the wasp flew out of the bedroom. All on his own accord.
I slammed the door shut and decided to cut my losses. I would survive one night with him in the house, but I certainly wasn’t going to let him in my bedroom. Each of my bathroom trips that night (and remember I was about 30 weeks pregnant…so bathroom trips are frequent) involved me stealthily opening my door, closing the door behind me, sneaking down the hallway and into the bathroom and then repeating that process on the way back.
And I will have you know that that wasp hung out in the hallway all night long. It was still there when Theo got home from work the next morning…and Theo actually agreed with me that it was the most massive wasp he had ever seen.