Theo and I recently completed a 20 day marriage challenge. It was super simple and we really, really enjoyed ourselves so I thought I would share what we ended up doing.
A few disclaimers and explanations:
- I designed this to work for our schedule and our marriage. I looked up a bunch of ideas on Pinterest and choose the ones that worked the best and made the most sense for us. I also planned around Theo’s days off and put some of the more time intensive days on his days off.
- On the days that Theo works, he is gone almost 12 hours. I put this marriage challenge together so that we would still be able to complete a daily challenge in just a few minutes when he got home from work.
- We were in on it together. Yes, I made the list and then one night when he got home from work, I had a letter with the 20 day challenge inside. Some husbands might want to help plan it out, they might want a little bit of advance warning or they might have other opinions on doing a marriage challenge. Theo is very go with flow and I’m the planner, so he usually WANTS me to plan things out and then say “here it is”. So that is what I did. I realize that won’t work for everybody, but find what works for you and go from there!
- Theo and I are 6 years in, and the past year has been challenging, but I wouldn’t consider our marriage on the rocks or in rough straits. This was just a fun little challenge to bring some spark back and to take some of the focus off of our children and back onto our marriage. If you are looking for something that will save your marriage, I would recommend something much more intensive than this.
- I considered doing a 30 day challenge, but decided to aim for 20 and see where we got. It was a good thing, too, because we did end up running out of steam near the end.
- Each day has a challenge and a discussion. Again, most days, both of those things took less than 10 minutes and can be done at night right before turning off the lights for bed.
Marriage Challenge!!
Daily Challenges (to be done daily for the 20 days):
- Pray each day together before we go to sleep. Pray for our marriage and each of our children by name. (To make this easier to remember, Theo prays on odd days and I pray on even days).
- Have sex (X) times a week. (Ya’ll, I’m not sharing our number. I fully believe that this depends on the season of life, the circumstances of life and so many other things. HOWEVER, the whole point was to spice things up and give ourselves a fun little goal. 20 days is just shy of three weeks, so setting a number was a fun challenge. I absolutely HATE the marriage advice that every couple needs to have sex a certain amount of times a week in order to have a “healthy marriage”. However, you know your number and you know what number would be just enough of a challenge but not so stressful you can’t handle it. The number might be one, it might be three, it might be seven. Set a challenge and go for it!)
- Have a family devotional every morning at breakfast (we have struggled so much with family devotions, and our excuse is always that Theo’s hours are so long. He’s not home for dinner or bedtime and that makes it hard to follow all the traditional ideas and guidelines I’ve seen online or even taught in the church. However, we have every breakfast together every morning, and no one is rushing out the door until a bit later in the morning.)
- Commit to “fasting” from one thing for the 20 days. For me, it was social media. For Theo, it was a game he likes to play on his phone. It could be anything, really…but this upped the challenge and made it so much more intentional that I was eliminating something from my schedule instead of just adding a daily challenge
- HAVE FUN!
Day 1
Challenge: Say or Write Your Wedding Vows to each other
Discussion: Which part of the vows are easiest for you to maintain? Which ones are the hardest?
Day 2
Challenge: Make a list of your spouse’s best character qualities
Discussion: Share your lists!
Day 3
Challenge: Send cheesy pickup lines to each other throughout the day
Discussion: Talk about our first days of dating and how we felt/talked/reacted to each other. How is that different from now? How can we bring some of that flirty love back?
Day 4
Challenge: At some point during the day, write each other a letter
Discussion: Read the letters out loud to each other
Day 5
Challenge: Give your spouse a hug several times throughout the day (again, we set a number, but this number will change based on the dynamics of the couple)
Discussion: Discuss the five most influential people in your life right currently. You tend to become most like the five people you spend the most time with…who are these people? Are they good influences or bad influences? What do you admire most about them? What would you like to replicate about them in your life? Why wouldn’t you want to become like them?
Day 6
Challenge: Take a walk together
Discussion: Discuss our parenting philosophy of discipline. Why? Why not? What are we doing well? What are we not doing so well? Point out what the other spouse is doing well and one thing that they can improve on in parenting.
Day 7
Challenge: Make a list of ways your spouse is succeeding as a parent
Discussion: Share your lists. Share about your parenting struggles, fears and worries. Share about the joys and successes, too. Talk about a time your kids made you laugh recently.
Day 8
Challenge: Look through our wedding scrapbook/photos and/or early photos of the kids
Discussion: Talk through the timeline of our relationship- what were some really hard times? What were some really good times? What were some of the funniest times? How has God been faithful throughout?
Day 9
Challenge: Make a list of family traditions- ones we have and ones we would love to implement
Discussion: What is a tradition that your family had growing up that you would love to implement into our family?
Day 10
Challenge: Read a chapter of the Bible out loud together
Discussion: Discuss a Bible reading game plan for individual devotions, but also for family devotions. Write it down so you won’t forget!
Day 11
Challenge: Play a trivia game on the phone together
Discussion: If you could be good at any one random thing in the world, what would it be?
Day 12
Challenge: Hold hands or touch during church (this was a Sunday for us)
Discussion: When out in public, how would you like my body language towards you to be?
Day 13
Challenge: Go to the store together. You each have $5 to find a gift for your spouse in the store
Discussion: Talk about your love languages. What is my love language? What is your love language? Do we feel loved? How has my spouse done a good job of loving me lately? How can I improve on loving you?
Day 14
Challenge: Put the kids to bed early, pop some popcorn and buy some fun, splurgy treats and have a movie night! NO PHONES.
Discussion: What is your favorite movie and why?
Day 15
Challenge: Give each other a full body massage.
Discussion: Talk about sex! What do we do well? What can we improve on? (Elaborate on these questions as graphically as you would like…I’ll keep this space PG)
Day 16
Challenge: List all the states in the US.
Discussion: Where would you most like to go and visit?
Day 17
Challenge: Play a family board game together (or a couples game after the kids go to bed)
Discussion: Discuss your specific hobbies at this point in life (again, I got more specific here to Theo and I, but your marriage will be completely different). How can you both be pursuing those hobbies more (or maybe less?)
Day 18
Challenge: List your top favorite things about being married to each other
Discussion: Compare and share lists
Day 19
Challenge: Have a family dance party while cooking lunch!
Discussion: At lunch, discuss our favorite things to do together as a family. Remind each other to do these things more often! Put one of those activities on the calendar!
Day 20
Challenge: Write out your personal goals for the future. Where do you want to be one year from now, five years from now, 10 years from now?
Discussion: Share the lists with each other! Dream together.
Have you ever done a marriage challenge? Did you enjoy it, or did it fizzle out? Let me know if you decide to do one!
And just because a marriage post wouldn’t be complete without pictures of young love….
