*I’m setting a timer for 15 minutes and just writing* I will hit publish at the end…ready or not. If I don’t force myself to blog this way, I’m afraid I’ll never make the space/time for publishing a perfect blog post!*
The last blog post I published was exactly a month ago. There have been times or seasons in my life where I have felt overwhelmed, but somehow I’ve always managed to make a little extra time to write out my thoughts and feelings and publish them in this space. Over the years I’ve developed a system that allows me to stay inspired and have ideas to write about well in advance. I try so hard to still be open and honest and write about real life, but truthfully each of my blog posts have been planned well in advance. Not this one. This one….is just me. Raw and unfiltered, sitting on my living room floor realizing that this is the first time I feel like I can breath in and out.
The crazy thing is that I have NOTHING to complain about. There is no one single major stressor in my life. There is nothing that I can point to and cry about. Instead, there just seems to be a series of small things that have knocked the wind directly out of my sales.
Having a baby
Packing up and Moving into a rental house
Selling our Home- getting it ready to list, listing it, being under contract, being not under contract anymore, then being under contract again
Our van transmission breaking down in the middle of an intersection (thankfully one very close to our house!)
Driving all the way to Florida- we thought it would be a little bit of a vacation, but in the end it was very exhausting overall (although so very worth it)
Hearing about, weeping with, and standing with friends who are going through struggles
Struggling with migraines
Continuing to adjust my family to a sometimes difficult schedule of Theo working weekends
And somehow, I just didn’t have it in my to write on my blog at all. As I talk to Theo and my friends, I’ve come to process that I’m not depressed, I’m not even really sad…I’m just drained. I’m drained from all those little adult responsibilities of parenting and wife-ing and home owning and selling and finding reliable vehicles to get our kids from place to place. I’m drained from solo parenting on Sundays and some days I feel drained from being a helper to anyone who needs help. I’m drained from having to make responsible choices because it’s what is best for everyone else, when really all I want to do it sit around and eat a tub of ice cream and read a book without anyone saying MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM.
Now, before I begin to descend into the depths of complaining, let me just list some of the highlights of the past month… I have SO MUCH to be thankful for.
Like this field of wild flowers…
And this fun tandem bike to ride (but HOW do I have a child enough to ride a bike like this?!?)
And this fun date night with Theo…
And the fact that even though he had to work Easter Sunday, we got to see him during a lull…
When I logged into my blog account today, I was surprised to see how many people had actually read my blog in the past month. Sometimes I just get so bogged down with life that I forget that some people find the words I write in this space meaningful and helpful. I do put time and thought into every piece of content that I put out, and it means the world to me that someone cares to stop by and read (and even take the effort to leave a comment!).
As I continue processing LIFE and how I want to translate my life into this space, I would like to continue writing…less curated, more flowing from my heart to the keys on the keyboard.
Thanks for sticking around!