Well, I missed writing for a few days and just now remembered that I haven’t written here in a few days.
The last few days have been GORGEOUS weather, sunny and in the 70s. In April!! What a blessed miracle.
Every day this month I have taken the kids for a hike. On Theo’s days off, he joins us, but on his work days, I take them myself. So far we have been able to go to 8 different hiking trails and honestly, it’s saving my sanity in this time.
Sunday was ugly hard. Theo was off work and did not feel well. He had a sore throat, a stomach ache, a headache and just didn’t feel well in general. I panicked. I literally panicked.
Thankfully, it seemed to be a 24 hour thing and by Monday morning our household was back to feeling 100%. Well, as 100% as possible during a pandemic.
I REALLY am struggling with my anxiety. Listen. I should reframe that. I’m actually doing REALLY well considering the circumstances surrounding me. On a good, pre-pandemic day I am anxious about my family coming down with sicknesses. I don’t get anxious about many other things, but sickness is my MAJOR trigger. So for me to face a pandemic with an essential front line worker in my home? I’d actually say that God is giving me incredible courage and strength to step into each day. It’s really really not easy. But I’m doing it.
Today I was thinking about my own “stones of remembrance”. Those things that the Lord has led us through that I can look back and see the goodness of the Lord. Oftentimes, I can mount these stones of remembrance as scars of infliction instead of seeing them as the goodness of the Lord. Things like two difficult pregnancies, raising a foster child with drug addiction, raising a pre-teen, disrupting a foster placement, going through a pandemic. These are all things that I’m tempted to look back and complain about. Lord, how much can you expect me to bear in this life? But instead, if I look back and see them as hardships that the Lord led me through. NOW, I’m encouraged. I’m starting to see those little stones everywhere I look- past, present
Yesterday, Tera read a book for the first time. Like, she read the book from cover to cover. I can’t believe I have a child that can read!!! Today she caught a frog all by herself. And then proceeded to carry it for the entire duration of our hike. She only lost it twice in the van on the way home. And then played with it for HOURS in the afternoon. She couldn’t let it go. The poor frog was probably terrified but I thoroughly enjoyed watching her just ENJOYING her childhood.
Slowly but surely the Lord is building my character in this time. It’s the most painful process I’ve ever been through.