Listen, friends.
February is hard for me! I always think I’m doing so well, and then February hits. It’s not just the cold- it has actually been warm enough to melt all the snow and get us outside- it’s all of it. I haven’t had anything to blog or write about, because my mind is kind of ‘meh’ towards all of it. Just- total lack of motivation. Depression? I don’t know, but I don’t have time to be depressed so then I’m annoyed with myself because I just need to snap out of it and move along, get motivated, get back to feeling like my normal, energizer bunny self.
So today I’m going to break my blog silence with exactly what I want to talk about- a long list of complaints. I promise that I will follow this post with my usual cheery, upbeat type of writing- but for today- I just have a long list of complaints, and I want to air all my grievances on this public forum.
- We have been sick for 10 days now. Nothing terrible- not sick enough to miss any commitments- but sick enough to feel blah and exhausted and worn down.
- BOTH of our cars crapped out on the same day. WHAT. I still just can’t believe that happened. One is a $750 fix (and 3 days at the mechanic) and one is a $$$$$$$ fix and possibly we need to get a new vehicle (we don’t know yet). The wildest thing is that one car is at the mechanic and the other car is being driven but we are literally PRAYING during every drive that we don’t break down. As soon as the mechanic finishes with the one car, we will switch and take the almost-broken-down one to the mechanic. As inconvenient as it is to only have one car, I can’t believe how impossible life would be with no cars. Perspective, I guess. Also, not thrilled about thousands of dollars in car repairs when both our perfectly nice vehicles were functioning fine last week.
- I don’t have anything to blog about. I keep sitting down and trying to get some writing inspiration…but I’ve got nothing.
- My iCloud storage is full, so my pictures aren’t uploading from my phone to my computer.
- It’s re-enrollment season at school, which is often seen as a measure of “success” of the school. Since it’s Theo’s first year as head honcho of the school, it can feel like a measure of his success. In most instances- it’s not even related to him at all- but sometimes its hard to separate the thought of it.
- I was trucking right along through my doula course work and then I got stuck on an assignment that requires me to interview someone. I’ve tried to reach out to several people and haven’t heard a response, so I’ve been stuck on the same assignment for about 6 weeks now.
- I bought a “literary lookbook”, which is a guide to some of the best new book releases each week. It’s amazing! And then I hop on my library app and put like 12 books on hold each week….and now I have stacks and stacks of books to be read and I read like one book a week. You do the math. I’m gaining 12 books every week and reading 1 a week…and it’s overwhelming me. I think I just need to clear the decks and take all the books back to the library and kind of start over again with only 5 or so books checked out of the library.
- Parenting is harddddddd. I know exactly what the problem is: it’s that the parents in the household have been having a hard time with exhaustion, illness and being grumpy; which leads to being lax, having more screen time, and seeking time alone instead of time with the kids; which leads to them being grumpy, more needy, and having a hard time.
- I’ve felt incredibly lonely in this season. I’m not sure if it’s just me being too nitpicky about my expectations that aren’t quite realistic in this season, or if it’s a true season of loneliness. I think that many people feel lonely, so I know I don’t have any reason to earn a gold medal in loneliness.
- I haven’t been running in 10 days. I’m supposed to run at least 3x a week to train for my half marathon. And I’ve missed….a lot of runs.
- Some big bad things have happened to the missionary community where I grew up. A dear friend of my parents was kidnapped and is still in captivity. We aren’t allowed to post about it or share about it on social media, but it’s so incredibly heavy on my heart. All of the missionaries were taken out of the country, and it is now a closed country. This is the country that still feels like home to me, and it’s now closed. Then this week another missionary friend of my parents suddenly passed away. It’s just … heavy.
Ok, ok…I’m done. Thanks for reading all my complaints. I really just needed to get this all off my heart and into writing. I’m going to follow it up with another post with a completely different attitude…a gratitude post.
Anyone else have any complaints? I’d love to hear them!
I’m not sure what you need to hear the most right now but in the spirit of gratitude, thank you for being vulnerable and real through sharing your struggles. So much of what we see is the “highlight reel” but I think what many of us are actually looking for is authenticity and the “you, too?” realization that comes with solidarity. I guess if I were to lend you any sort of consolation, it’s just to remember that while this is a tough season, it is indeed just that, a season. It won’t always feel this hard, this dark, or lonely. Though your burden is heavy, you do not carry it alone. God’s refinement of us often comes through our suffering and we do not suffer alone. I will be praying for your strength and restored wellbeing in the coming days and weeks, my friend. For now, just take it one day at a time!