I Miss Writing (and a Family Update)

It comes as no surprise to anyone that my blog has been kind of … dull … these past few years.

It also comes as no surprise, that I, along with most other people I know, am just plain weary.

I am currently on Christmas Break from school and everyday I have wanted to sit down and write a blog post. But every day, I end the day with not even a draft begun.

Some would say to just let it be. If I don’t feel like blogging, don’t blog. If I don’t want to write, don’t write. And I totally get that and would follow that advise if it wasn’t for the fact that I do want to write and blog. I just struggle to have the confidence to put anything out there anymore.

To me, the internet used to be a safe space. It used to be a safe space I could share my life and in return I would receive compliments, thanks, interaction, conversation, support and inspiration.

Now, the internet feels unsafe. I worry constantly about who will hear or read my words and misinterpret them. I worry about speaking the truth and greatly offending someone I love. I worry that if I share my good times, someone will be hurt because life has not unfolded for them in that way. I don’t want to share my exercise PR or my meals or my home because I worry about how someone will view them, or who will point out what I am doing wrong. I worry that if I share the low points and hard times that people will walk away because no one wants to hear one more person complain about it being hard.

But I miss it.

I miss having a blogging schedule. I miss writing the posts. I miss receiving feedback. I miss interacting with other people who also write and with uncles and aunties from my Niger days who would always comment on my posts.

Life has shifted for me in the past few years. Not just with the introduction of a worldwide pandemic and the messy politics of being married to a police officer. But also with the ages of my kids. They are now a bit older and more independent, but with that has come a lifestyle of no naps and a near-constant need for Mom to still be close by. I have one in grade school that I homeschool part time, which requires a lot of focused attention. I have also become a working Mom, and even though my job is considered part-time, it ends up using up a lot of mental and physical energy.

I read more books, I interact more with IRL friends. It’s not all bad! And it’s certainly not anyone else’s fault. To be completely cliche- it is what it is. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not mourning a little bit the shift here and in that corner of my brain that was always reserved for writing ideas and strategies.

I am not leaving! This blog is going to keep right on going, even though I know not many people read it anymore.

I am sorry if this was a disappointing update, but I really just needed to sit down and WRITE what is on my mind. So I suppose to give a small update, here are some things that are going on in the Hines family:

Theo– Theo continues to work extremely hard in law enforcement as well as manage five rental properties. Law enforcement has been challenging, I would be lying if I said we haven’t had the quitting conversation in our household. Writing a post on it has been on my mind, but that would take a huge act of bravery for me to be able to hit publish. Theo excels at managing our rental properties and has been an excellent landlord. He manages the bills and the long term care as well as any immediate needs that the tenants have. He’s also an amazing Dad and spends a lot of intentional time interacting with his kids. I love to see it, and they kids LOVE him!

Suzanne– I am continuing to stay at home part time as well as teach 1st grade at our hybrid school part time. On school days, I am gone from the house at 7am and don’t usually get back until past 5. On home days, I facilitate Tera’s school work and all the odds and ends of caring for a home and a family. I absolutely love both my jobs- first grade and Mom. In my spare time, I love to run, to do puzzles and to read books. I am SO thankful that my parents have moved to the States and are living right across the street from me. It has been the biggest blessing on a daily basis to have family help and support.

Tera– Tera is halfway done with 2nd grade! She loves school, loves her class, and is really thriving in 2nd grade. She is reading chapter books, loves to listen to audio books, and still loves to play pretend with her brothers. It’s this perfect age of still being a child but also becoming mature and responsible. She’s a school ambassador and also learned how to sew and cook this year! She loves animals and Wild Kratts is her favorite show- she can spout of the most random facts about the most random animals and is THRILLED when she tells me something that I didn’t know before she informed me.

Kiah- Kiah is five and in his last year of Pre-K before Kindergarten. He’s a smart cookie and loves to learn. He’s so sweet and calm and helpful at school, but saves all of her energies for home. He’s eager to learn to read and it’s so fun to get to teach him that skill. He loves playing with Tera, and reserves the “frenemy” status for his little brother. Kiah loves art and coloring and crafts and creating and says he wants to be an artist when he grows up. The kid also never, ever stops moving. He’s the one that likes to be read a story while hanging upside down on the couch with his head on the floor. I think he will always and forever be my early riser, as I have never had the kid sleep past 7am.

Ezra– Ezra turned 3 the end of November and has always been the typical 3rd child who doesn’t follow the rules and has to make himself noticed in a house with two other siblings. He’s so sweet and so cute and talking a mile a minute now in complete sentences. He’s THE BEST snuggler and Theo and I still sometimes call him “baby”. He has also developed a stubborn and ornery streak and I get to spend lots of one-on-one time with him, removing him from the situation and working through the BIG feelings that a 3 year old still has trouble controlling.

We now have three pets- a cat, Patience. A bearded dragon named Mushu. And a ball python named Kaa. The reptiles are fairly low maintenance but the kids love them. And everyone but Theo adores Patience, who very much lives up to her name as the most patient cat I have ever met!

It is strange being at the stage where our youngest is 3 years old. I have never experienced a youngest being 3 years old, as we always had another kid (or foster love) by the time our baby turned 2. I guess this time I can count my classroom as my latest baby- ha!

I am not sure what 2022 has in store for us, or what God is planning out for our family. Part of me is a bit terrified of what could come, but when I look back at what the Lord has orchestrated and what He has brought us through, I know that He is good and He will continue to lead us as we follow Him.