Pregnancy So Far…Months 1-6

Well, well, well…let us all take a moment to remember my first pregnancy where I wrote a recap blog post every single week of my pregnancy. My second pregnancy where I managed to take weekly pictures and write fairly frequent blog posts. And my third pregnancy where I at least wrote monthly blog posts.

And then a moment of silence for my fourth pregnancy, which is entering it’s 24th week (I think) and has exactly….one… blog post (my announcement). Sorry, little one. You are just as loved as all the other kiddos, you just don’t get quite as much *quantity* of time as the others.

So, here we are… 6 months into pregnancy and I wanted to document a bit of where I am at!

Here is the short version of my pregnancy so far:

Weeks 1-16: Very, very sick. Mostly in bed for all of those weeks, trying my best to keep the kids and household alive while throwing up or hanging my head over a bucket/toilet. I lost around 20 pounds and ate basically only Ramen noodles. I chewed gum to keep myself from throwing up and carried a bucket with me everywhere. I started Zofran (anti-nausea medication) around 7 weeks and took it as often as I could, completely maxing out our prescription insurance. I am so thankful for my parents couch and Corinne for helping me keep my kids alive while Theo was working. SO, SO thankful for Theo who would work his regular job and come home and do ALL the work that needed to be done at home. This was a hard time for us. We were burned out and discouraged in every aspect of our lives.

I went back to teaching at 11 weeks along, which was pretty tough. I did find that my body would just do what it needed to do while I was in the classroom (not get sick), but the evening and day after teaching I would PAY for it. I was SO sick on my days off.

Weeks 17-22: I woke up one morning and felt HUNGRY. I couldn’t believe it. I did find during this time that I had about a five minute window between the hungry feeling and the horribly nauseas getting sick feeling. So I kept snacks with me constantly, and would eat nuts or fruit every 10 minutes or so. I was still nauseas about 85% of the time, but at least now I could eat. I started gaining some weight but still not back to pre-pregnancy weight. I was finally able to be back in the kitchen cooking for my family on a somewhat regular basis, but it has mostly been tacos and quessidallas or something really simple like that on repeat. My energy increased noticeably, but I still felt like a shell of a person most of the time. Oh, and the puke bucket got put back in the bathroom closet because I found that I didn’t need it with me at all times!!!! I continue to take zofran but was able to wean off the highest dosage to a much, much smaller daily dose.

We also found out around 21 weeks that we are having another BOY! I thought Tera would be the most disappointed person in the family, but it turns out that she took it just fine and it’s me that has been having a hard time with it.

Week 22-24 (current): Energy is feeling closer to normal, but I feel like I am just now recovering from how awful the first five months of sickness was. It feels like I can’t get “ahead” because I’m recovering from those months AND still feeling off. But! I am so thankful to now have more good days than bad. The biggest symptom right now is just getting exhausted far more easily than I ever did before pregnancy (or even in my previous pregnancies) and I still have near-constant nausea but it’s at the level that I can just push through it and do not need to stop all my daily activities like it was in the the first few months. I’m finally back up to pre-pregnancy weight and have even put on a few pounds. My baby belly REALLY popped around 20 weeks and it’s obvious now that I’m pregnant. I put away all my non-maternity clothes and am wearing just maternity clothes now. I am feeling TONS of movement and Theo even felt the baby for the first time this week. I’m sleeping great at night but even when I’m getting 8-9 hours of sleep a night I am exhausted all day. It’s been hard for me to adjust my expectations of myself and to be gentle with myself when I can’t do what I “normally” could do in a day.

Emotionally, this has been tough, guys. I don’t know how else to talk about it, but I also don’t want to just act all la-di-da about it- this has been SO HARD. I want to be so excited about having another baby, but it hasn’t come easy to me. I AM excited to have another child, but going through this pregnancy has felt like an endurance event that I didn’t really sign up for. I wanted an easy, breezy pregnancy where I felt great and found out I was having a girl and so far this has been nothing like what I dreamed of or wanted. I am fairly certain that this is our last pregnancy, primarily because of how tough the whole shebang is on my mind and my body. But then I feel guilty that *I* am the reason our family will be done. I hear so many stories of women who knew that it was their last pregnancy and so they enjoyed every moment of it. I have to be honest…I have enjoyed almost no moments of this.

I WANT to be excited. I WANT to feel the great joy and delight in the miracle of growing a life within me. I WANT to feel the energy of the so called “magical” second trimester. I WANT to be excited about raising three little boys and their big sister. I WANT to be delighted. I WANT to feel the abundant privilege of the Lord choosing me to grow and raise another precious child. I know all these things in my head, and then I feel guilty that I’m not FEELING them in my heart. Every day I pray that the Lord will give me this attitude towards this pregnancy…but so far I am still struggling on a daily basis.

My favorite part of the pregnancy so far has been feeling movement lately! It’s really fun to realize that there IS an actual real-live being in me. It’s also been so special for me to have support in areas that I never thought I would. Since I am struggling so much, it gives me such a boost when someone else is excited for me, or gives me a compliment or tells me that I am doing a good job and validates that this is tough. This is my first pregnancy where I am working, and the support from those around me has been amazing. I was nervous that some people would be annoyed or judgmental that because I’m pregnant I’m kind of at max capacity for life, but my co-teachers, admin, and parents of my students have been nothing but helpful and supportive.

Here in the 6th month I am really feeling pregnant! I have some round ligament pain, lots of needing to use the bathroom, can’t lay on my back anymore, and my hips already feel nice and expandable. Ha! But honestly I will take all of those things over being so nauseas and exhausted constantly. Pain and discomfort don’t bother me nearly as much as feeling sick all the time!

I am also so thankful that despite being so sick, everything with the baby is complication free. I know that many women have physical ailments or complications/worries about the baby, but so far everything looks great for baby boy! Our 20 week anatomy scan passed with flying colors and he is also measuring right on track!

Soooo, all this to say that I am still here! Growing this beautiful baby boy who will be born in March. I am struggling with it all on a daily basis, and I know that some may frown at my vulnerability here and think that I should just “get it together”. But I also wonder if someone will take some comfort from hearing that sometimes life isn’t always easy for someone that you follow/see on online. I have been giving so many abundant gifts, and I KNOW that I am blessed beyond measure. But sometimes it’s also just really hard, for reasons that are slightly out of our control. The Lord is giving us grace to get through each day, and he has brought me through these six months and I know that He will be faithful for the next three or so months. Thanks for reading this long post and celebrating with and for us!