Generosity

It has taken me well over a week to even begin to process how to write this blog post. Sorry- it’s wordy and long! But I promise that it’s worth a read all the way through 🙂

On Friday the 9th, Theo texted me and it said

“I’m ok, but…”

Which is never a good sign. Theo was actually trained in the police academy to always tell a family member bad news by starting with “I’m ok”, then giving them the bad news.

He followed that text by saying that he had been in a car accident and the car was totaled. For a bit, that was all I knew but I called my Mom right away to come hang out with the kids while I went to go pick Theo up.

Basically, what had happened was that someone who was carrying scrap metal had dropped a large metal object (dishwasher? filing cabinet?) in the middle of the highway, and all the cars that were going 70mph were slamming on their brakes and swerving to avoid hitting it. Theo and another car swerved at the same time, and Theo rear-ended the other car, going at least 50mph. Airbags blew, the windshield basically shattered, all of the fluids in the engine immediately leaked all over.

Thankfully, Theo was fine (other than being very sore for a week or so) and the other driver was fine. Another car ended up hitting the object in the highway, but somehow no one was seriously hurt.

I knew that my first reaction to this accident should be thankfulness that Theo was ok. But honestly? I didn’t feel thankful at all. I felt really, really down. I felt really, really over “adulting” that week. I had been sick for several weeks with respiratory junk (on top of my 7th month of pregnancy nausea), the kids had just finished recovering from a stomach bug, we were already struggling financially and staring down Christmas with a little bit of a Scrooge-y feeling. Now to know that we had to buy a “new” car was really, really overwhelming. (Long story- but insurance wasn’t covering this car or a rental for us).

I went to bed that night feeling a lot of feelings, struggling to grasp thankfulness, annoyed that we had only one car the busiest week of school for me, but also knowing that my attitude was not right and I needed to get that in shape.

But here is where the story takes a major turn, one that I could not have anticipated or even knew to ask for. A friend of Theo’s brother found out that we were in need of a car and reached out to let us know that he had one in his garage that he had been tinkering with that he wanted to give to us. Yes, give to us.

We drove up to his place, and met the most generous and humble man- Tom. He had this little gold 1998 car that he had worked hard to fix up- and he wanted to give it to us.

We still cannot believe it.

Honestly, we didn’t know how to respond. How do you say thank you to a complete stranger for giving us something? Not only did he give us a car – he also drove it to the gas station, filled up the tank with gas, and paid for all the DMV stuff. Our total payment for the car? $6.50.

So many thoughts ran through my head that morning and in the week following. First- I sometimes have a hard time accepting good things. I think that we all tend to ask “why” when something difficult happens in our life, but sometimes I also struggle with asking “why” when unexplainably good things happen in my life. “Why me- and not someone else?” “How do I react and what do I do with such a big blessing?” “What if I mess it up?” “What if someone finds out that I truly don’t deserve this?” “What if someone thinks that we don’t deserve this- because really, we don’t?”

I know that those aren’t exactly great thoughts to have when given a HUGE blessing, but those are my honest to goodness thoughts.

Tom was older than us, with grandkids and I’m assuming had reached a place in life where he was financially established- but it is not like this guy was clearly swimming in oodles of money. He easily could have sold us the car and used the money for something in his life. He easily could have kept it for himself or given it to someone that he knew better! But it was OBVIOUS that Tom has built a habit of generosity in his life and following the Holy Spirit’s leading. It was so obvious that this wasn’t the first time he has given generously- given away when he could have personally benefitted. It wasn’t the first time that he had simply followed the Lord’s leading and given of himself, even if it made no logical or earthly sense.

And it led to me to think about my own generosity. Theo and I were really humbled and had a conversation about hoping that one day we could be generous like Tom. One day- when we are more established, when inflation isn’t so high, when we have achieved our goals and are ready to help someone else who is in need. And the Holy Spirit got a grip of my heart and shook me and reminded me that generosity starts NOW. It doesn’t start when we reach a certain income level, or have bought all the items on our own wish lists, or feel content. It starts NOW. It starts even when it hurts a little- when we could have used it for ourselves. And, I needed to remind myself that generosity isn’t always money. It can be time, resources, knowledge, even our attitudes. Instead of looking out for our own gain, it’s giving it away so that someone else can benefit.

As I was reflecting on this, I thought about Tom when he gets to heaven. He won’t have any of his worldly possessions- none of them. And yet when I see him in heaven I will remember him for this incredibly grand gift/gesture that he gave to us. And I’m SURE that there will be other people lined up to say thank you to him as well. It also made me wonder what ripple effect this one act of generosity may have. Perhaps Theo and I will be spurred to be generous and touch or change another life because of Tom’s actions. Perhaps my kids will remember the time that someone gave us a car, and that will be a seed that was planted in their hearts. Perhaps we will never know what affect it will have.

Tom would NOT want me to make this post about him. He wasn’t a man of many words, but the one thing that he did say over and over was this,

“God has been so generous to me, and I want to be a part of His generosity in other’s lives”

Lord, may this outlook and attitude become mine as well.