“Big T” vs “little t” trauma

Have you ever heard that comparison of Big T and little t trauma? I heard this on a podcast a number of years ago and it has given me some tools to think through and handle the more seemingly difficult seasons in my life.

“Big T” trauma is the trauma that we usually label as “trauma”. It’s those big, earthshaking events that you will always remember. A death, a bad accident, a terminal diagnosis, a crime committed against you, abandonment, abuse. Those are really big and can take many years and a lot of growth and work to get through.

But then there is also the “little t” trauma. Things like repeated illnesses, lots of things breaking or falling apart, an incident that was very scary but turned out ok (like a choking infant), a diagnosis that isn’t clear which way it can go, very stressful situations at work. These wouldn’t really be labeled as traumatic because “everybody is fine”, but sometimes when they are repeated and add up over time, they start to have some of the same impacts as big T traumas.

Honestly, the last 6 weeks of our lives have held a lot of little t traumas. Nothing huge or major or terribly bad has happened, but we have had all of the following in the last 6 weeks

• both of our vehicles have broken down
• a huge shift in family schedules with the back to school season
• repeated challenges with a co-worker at work (not mine, Theo’s…)
• two close relatives diagnosed with Cancer
• a close family friend had a medical emergency
• Ori choked on a cheese stick and I had to call 911. Thankfully, we got it out before they had to come, but it was SCARY
• Ezra struggled with a 4 week long asthma flare up. We had to repeatedly visit the doctor and try different treatment options until we found one that worked. One of those trips was also a scary trip to the emergency room because he could not breathe and none of our treatment plans at home were working
• I fell while running and really banged up my knees. The very same week, I also got a nasty cold that took me out!
• Ori has a ruptured ear drum. I’ve never heard my sweet boy cry so much!

It has been a lot! I keep chiding myself for feeling overwhelmed because it’s not like anything terrible has happened. But then I remind myself that dealing with all of those stressors on top of just regular/normal life is A LOT. At the same time, while acknowledging things that are hard, I can choose to reflect on all the good things that have also happened over these past six weeks and made gratitude lists a mile long!

• Our school year is off to a wonderful start. I am enjoying my class and work life more than ever this year! My kids are thriving in their grades and I’m seeing some real progress
• Watching Tera play volleyball has been SO FUN
• We had such a fun trip to TN to visit family
• A fun visit from my in-laws and getting our property full fenced!
• Wednesday hikes
• A decently good prognosis for one family member, successful surgery for another, and recovery for another.
• Someone bringing us dinner because they knew I wasn’t feeling well
• Supportive friends and family

Anyways, I know that I do this every couple of week where I bemoan the fact that I’ve haven’t been able to blog much, then I come back with a burst of posts and then fade into irregularity again. There are so many thoughts in my head about this stage of life and how it’s not just that it’s busy, it’s that it’s emotionally draining! My friend said it’s like juggling, but some of the balls are glass and some are plastic and even though they look the same you have to know which balls it’s ok to drop and which ones are glass and cannot be dropped and then even if you drop a glass ball you have to just keep going because you can’t mess up and drop them all.

So, anyways, it turns out that blogging is definitely a plastic ball and it’s all ok if I drop it. But it’s also a really pretty, shiny one that I get a lot of joy from, so as soon as I can pick it back up, I would really like to.

And that’s a little update on us 🙂