Several years ago, we had three kids buckled in the backseat and we were driving down the road. I don’t remember where we were going, what season it was, or even the ages of our kids. We had the radio playing and it was set to one of our local Christian stations. Occasionally, they do little recorded “devotionals” from a pastor or speaker- usually a 2 minute lesson or encouragement to the listeners.
On this particular day, someone (and I so wish I could remember who it was so that I can give them credit!) came on the radio and shared two words that have become a vital tool in our parenting toolbelt:
Navigate Discomfort
Navigating Discomfort is just as it sounds: navigating, or working our way through, discomfort- situations that are not comfortable.
Now, as a kid, these situations pop up every few minutes. Our kids are learning everything about the entire world around them. They may face discomfort when they wake up in the night. They may face discomfort when they are trying to get dressed and something isn’t working right. They may face discomfort when their brother or sister gets the red plate that they had their eyes on. They may face bigger sets of discomfort as they grow older: peers who are being unkind, needing to talk to adults by looking them in the eye, practicing hard for a sports commitment, doing challenging schoolwork, having doubts about faith or moods that threaten to take control. Going through a breakup or a move or a friend who has turned away.
As parents (and as humans, lets be honest), we really just want to avoid discomfort. It’s just not comfortable! And it’s especially painful to see our kids facing discomfort, especially if it involves some of those bigger life circumstances. Sometimes it’s pretty simple for us as parents to take away the discomfort and solve the problems for our kids.
But that is when we circle back around to this parenting tool: Navigate Discomfort. Don’t take the discomfort away from our kids, instead we want to focus on helping them through it. Let them build the resilience and the muscle to face discomfort and have the tools to get through it.
Let’s take a simple example: climbing on the playground.
Long ago, I told my kids that if they can climb up something, they need to get themselves down. I’m not going to stand and spot every kid (I have four!) who wants to climb each thing. Some of my kids got “stuck” in a tree or on a high part of the playground. And I did stand and watch and even gave some pointers on where to put their hand or foot. But I always tried my hardest to NOT to actually help them down.
Obviously that example is much more simple than some of the very complex things that our kids face. I know that this isn’t a solution to solve all the problems out there.
Parenting wisdom is knowing when to step away, when to help them navigate, and when to just take over and be a Mama Bear.
Parenting wisdom is also knowing what “navigating” looks like in this equation. It might be different for each child, the age of the child and the circumstances they are facing. It may be talking/coaching them through their circumstance, or it might be just letting them tackle the challenge completely independently.
I am certainly not a parenting expert, and I know that every family and ever circumstance is different. But I wanted to share this little tool that we have in our pockets in case it’s beneficial to someone else out there!
I also cannot believe the amount of times that this has come up in conversation when Theo or I are facing something…uncomfortable. We often grin and say “Navigate Discomfort” as a way to encourage each other to do the sometimes hard but often right thing instead of taking the easy and more comfortable way out.
I would love to hear examples of how you have used this principle in your life- either in parenting or just for yourself! And as you go through this next week or month, I hope that the thought “navigate discomfort” pops into your mind and you are able to work through a situation that seems tough without avoiding it all together!