Today’s “Let’s Look” prompt is all about managing teen life. Well, I technically don’t have teens yet, and I’m kind of in a stage with multiple life stages being managed at once, so I thought I would just give some thoughts on managing life. Haha.
For reference my kids are currently 11, almost 9, almost 7 and 2.5. I’m taking one kid to junior high/youth group and on the other end of the spectrum, I’m potty training. Sometimes it feels like whiplash! I don’t feel like I’ve figured anything out in parenting, but I do feel like I have a decent amount of experience under my belt for this stage. I know that there are so many stages to come that we haven’t even dipped our toe in yet, but I do look back on precious first-time-Mom-me and can see how far I’ve come since 2014.
Here are some thoughts I have on parenting/managing life with these precious kiddos:
Let Them Be Little As Long As Possible
When I see my 11 year old still playing house or pretend, I start to cringe- isn’t she too old for that? But then I literally bat the thought away because I am so happy to let them be little as long as possible. Obviously, it is important for our kids to grow up and start gaining social skills that aren’t little kid-ish- and I see that progressing as it should. But when they want to play, I let them play. This concept also applies to technology – I know that once we introduce personal devices, there is no going back- so we are intentionally avoiding that step for as long as possible.
It Gets Way Easier
Oh my word- if I could give one piece of parenting advice, it is that IT GETS WAY EASIER. I remember when I had 3 kids under 5 and people kept telling me “just wait”….I seriously lived in fear for my future because I was struggling so much with the little years, and I knew that if it got worse, I was going to REALLY struggle. Turns out, it gets way, way easier. There are pockets of time where the kids are entertaining themselves. They can feed themselves if they need to. They can go outside for long periods of time where I don’t have to constantly be watching them. They can tell me when they don’t feel well or when they had a tough day at school. How come not one single person mentioned that to me when they were all little?
It Gets Way Harder
Ok, people were also right…it gets way harder, too. When the kids were young, they tended to take a nap (a blessed hour of quiet time in the day!), and they tended to have small needs that were easy to meet (wayyyyyy more needs, but much smaller). As they get older, it becomes more mentally taxing. Four kids have four different personality needs- one kid NEEDS to get out of the house multiple times a week or he goes crazy. Two kids NEED to have at least two low and slow days at home or they go crazy. How do I balance those two opposing needs? They start struggling with bigger problems that have bigger consequences- being unkind, or having someone be unkind to them. Not making the sports team. Making the sports team and therefore going to practice/games multiple times a week so they are hardly around anymore- and when they are around, they are exhausted and grumpy. Getting a load of homework that doesn’t seem manageable, and requires just as much coaching through attitude as doing the actual homework.
The Parent is Still the Parent
This is something I’m learning as my kids get older and become more adept at knowing their needs/desires and also meeting their own needs. For example- my kids are old enough to know when they need a snack, and old enough to get a snack. But instead of just letting them completely loose in the pantry, I am still the parent, and I can still say that they can’t eat an entire bag of Doritos (I realize this will change as they get older haha). I can still tell them that they need to eat some protein and that they cannot eat a snack before dinner. This is a delicate balance because it kind of becomes a tapering process as they get older. I have to slowly let go of control and micromanaging and let them start to take over for themselves. But at the same time, I am still the parent and I am still in charge of their health and wellness, so sometimes I have to remind myself that I still make executive decisions and my children are expected to follow the rules.
There is Lots of Great Advice, but We Don’t Need to Follow It All
Parenting in this day and age is HARD. There is so much advice out there- and so much of it is good advice! But not all of it needs to apply to me and my family. Sometimes the best thing for me to do is just stop listening to advice from hither and yon, and put my own head into solving the problem, or consulting one or two trusted adults to help me out. I stopped listening to a lot of podcasts this summer for this reason- my head was too full of a million different ideas and perspectives, and I just couldn’t make my own parenting choices with that much noise in my head.
Pray, Pray, Pray
I cannot underestimate the power of praying for my kids! I found this 31 days of prayer and I’ve been slowly working through it. I love the Scripture references and instead of just a generic prayer “for my child” I put the kids names in each prayer.
Say No to Your Kids
This piece of advice comes from my time as a teacher. I interact with children who have just never had anyone say no to them, and it shows. This past summer, one of my kids didn’t get onto a sports team that they tried out for. It was devastating. I’m still not glad that it happened, but I am thankful that they gets to experience a big “no” while they are still in the safety of our home, you know? Our kids need to practice these big “no” and small “no” in life!
Say Yes to Your Kids
At the same time, it’s super important to let go of all the controlling, and just say yes to our kids! A couple times a year I just try to challenge myself to say yes to their requests. Yesterday the kids begged for me to take them to the dollar store so they could buy some headphones. I really didn’t want to, and I even gave them a lecture about it, but I eventually took them. They were SO happy and kept saying “thank you, Mommy!”. I mean, what is 30 minutes in the grand scheme of things?
Be Content in Each Stage
Some stages of parenting are harder than others! One thing I have learned is to not waste too much time looking back, and to not waste too much time wishing for the future to come along and make things easier. Enjoy the days and the moments right now- no matter how full they may seem! Someday soon a new stage will come along and it will have new positives and negatives!
There are some of my thoughts on managing “parenting” life. If you think that some of those things contradict one another- you would be correct! I don’t think that parenting has an A+B=C pattern. I think it depends on the season, the child, the circumstances. Sometimes we need to be yes parents, and sometimes we need to be no parents. This is why seeking wisdom from God is of the utmost importance when raising kids- of any age!