Not to go deep here today….but, I’m gonna go deep here today.
Do you ever feel like you are too much?
Or like you are not enough?
Or maybe….sometimes…you even feel a little bit of both?
I know that I do.
Sometimes I just feel like I’m way “too much”. I leave a room and realize that I was way too loud or spoke way too much and dominated the conversation. Sometimes I show up with my four kids and realize that we are just too many people. Sometimes people seem to be overwhelmed by how much I do or how often I do it- things like volunteering at school, up keeping my blog, running, having my kids in activities, or being present for various events.
Part of this is my personality- I am an extrovert and thrive on being in a room with a lot of people. I also have trouble sitting still, so being “busy” is actually where I am most comfortable. Part of it is hustle culture- learning that the more I do, the more I get recognition. Part of it is also Christian culture- there is a huge emphasize on serving others, sometimes taken to the extreme detriment on oneself.
Some of it is also my tendency to lean towards going above and beyond, or being a little bit more Type A than the average person. If a task needs to be done, then I want it to be done right. Completely right. This means that sometimes I can be the person on a team who is “too much”. Why do just the basics when we can go above and beyond? This came up recently when I was helping to plan an event for school and I couldn’t understand why everyone was missing all of the small details! They focused on the big picture and how that was going to happen, but I wanted all of the little details to come together way smoother. Again- sometimes this is totally necessary! A good team would consist of a big picture and a small details person. But as I stepped back to evaluate where I went wrong in the situation, I realized that I was just being “too much” and needed to let. it. go.
Sometimes I wonder if people dread to see my coming- oh, no. There she is. About to take the attention, or add 12 steps to our already smooth “big picture” plan, or volunteer for another spot that could actually use someone else instead.
On the other hand, some days I feel like I’m not enough. My house isn’t clean enough, my kids aren’t happy enough, I haven’t accomplished what I need to for my job, my husband must feel disappointed in me, I dropped a ball, I missed a meeting, I skipped a calendar event. I remember as a 20 year old feeling like I would change.the.world, and here I am in my 30s just trying to keep the basics alive- and sometimes feeling like I’m not even doing that well! Everyone wants a piece of me, and some days I just feel like I didn’t succeed at any of the expectations put on me!
Surely I am not the only one who feels this way. Surely there are others who feel like they are too much when they enter a room. Or that they are just not enough. And some of you are like….peace out, this is way too deep for a Monday!
I would love to hear from you…what do you do to combat these types of feelings? What truths do you speak to yourself, and what lies do you need to banish?
One way that I try to combat some of these thoughts or feelings is by finding the answers in Scripture. Yes, the Bible truly does speak to all of this! I know that sometimes it can feel confusing- serve others, but also don’t dwell on what people think of you. Mind your own business, but also don’t neglect to gather together and encourage and challenge one another! Despite feeling like some of this is contradictory- it’s not! Just like sometimes I feel like I’m too much; and sometimes I feel like I’m not enough- there is guidance in Scripture for all things! Sometimes it is wise to step away from a situation, and sometimes it is wise to step into a situation. That is why it is called wisdom!
This is one of my favorite verses in the Bible. It reminds me to just keep going on the next step that God has for me. Don’t worry about being or doing the most. But also don’t worry about being or doing “not enough”. Because as God leads, that is the right place to be.
And now I will leave you with this quote, which I really enjoyed stumbling across:
That’s all for me today! Did any of these quotes stand out to you? Do you often feel like you are too much? Or do you tend to feel like you are not enough? Or, like me, do you feel some of both? Or is this just way too deep and you prefer reading about how great cross country is?
