*If you are just tuning in, I am sitting down each evening, setting a timer for 10 minutes and just writing down my thoughts from the day. When 10 mins
Day 16.
We’ve run out of children’s books from the library. My kids truly don’t even notice or mind- they LOVE reading the same books over and over again. Me? I’m tired of the same books, yet so thankful that our shelves and our book crates are still brimming with literature that fills up the minds of my children- and brings them great joy!
It seems silly to talk about the weather, but today was so much better than yesterday. The weather predicted rain all day long, but instead we were treated to sun in the morning and 70+ degrees all day.
This morning I sat in Theo’s arms (I know that sounds silly, but I actually did) while our children played around us, and I cried. Crying is not new to me, but this whole situation has seemed so heavy. I actually went the first 12 or so days without crying at all, and then the last three days have made up for that.
I cried to him and dreaded the last 10 minutes that we had at home before he left for work. I hate sending him out the door. Not only does he have a high chance of contracting this nasty virus, but he also is dealing with a lot of people experiencing a lot of trauma. He has had to go on numerous domestic calls in the last few days. Oh, and did I mention that the local jails have released hundreds of prisoners? It’s a little scary knowing that someone who may hate my husband is so quickly back out from jail.
Anyways, I digress.
I was talking/crying to Theo and asking him some deep questions. How can we pray during a pandemic like this? What kind of response can we expect from God? Does he hear us? Does he care? Is there hope? Does he care about the minute pieces of his children’s lives, or does he just care about the grand plan that He is orchestrating for his glory? Theo held my thoughts and questions and encouraged me to write them down and maybe ask some of the people in the faith that I really trust with the answers to those questions. People who have an understanding of God and the Scriptures, people who have been through difficult times in life and are still following the Lord. People who will give me answers that are true and honest, and not just comforting and feel-good.
So while my kids played outside in the sunshine, I sat down and wrote my Grandpa an email, asking all of the questions that are pent up in my soul that I feel don’t have answers. A few hours later I also got to talk to my parents on Skype and ask them some of the same questions. My Dad shared with me the following passages of Scripture to encourage me:
Ps 13
Ps 46
Ps 90
The book of Habbakuk
Romans 8:26, 31-39
2 Corinthians 1:8-11
I’m still overwhelmed. But I’m thankful that I’m overwhelmed while simultaneously being surrounded by those who love and encourage me in my faith.